alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
