Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize