i was born a porn star she said
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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