So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
