im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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