i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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