I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
