I love black thongs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
