1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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