you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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