I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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