youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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