i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
