so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
