It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
