Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've blown a few things in my day
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
