i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
