You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
