Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize