I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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