He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
