Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just tell him i said nine months
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
