so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
