That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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