I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
