Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
