That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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