Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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