so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
