sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
