happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
