we have pet lesbian snakes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You've changed since you got that strap on
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
