Who did Billy Mays play for?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize