i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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