how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He better not be in your backpack
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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