dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
