i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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