There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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