Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
