She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
