Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
