i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
