Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize