Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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