you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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