I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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