That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
