Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
