I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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