Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
