Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
