I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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