you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel great
I just peed on a car
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
