you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He passed out mid-signature
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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