i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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