Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fill condoms, not promises.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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