You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
