is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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