At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize