You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
