i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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