when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
