Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
