Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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