Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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