So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
