I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Actions speak louder than pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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