The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
