Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
