she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
