I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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