I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
