Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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