help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
