And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
