Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
