my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
