Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
