Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Congratulations! We have a period
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