Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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