woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
