He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
