Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
