Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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