i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
