if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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